Jumbo Jokes and Riddles Book Read online

’Felix my ice cream, I’ll be upset!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Vet.

  Vet who?

  Vet are you going to do today?

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Steven.

  Steven who?

  Steven the walls have ears!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Evelyn.

  Evelyn who?

  Evelyn comes full circle!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Datsun.

  Datsun who?

  Datsun old one!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Emma.

  Emma who?

  Emma ’fraid I have to go home now!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Havana.

  Havana who?

  Havan-a great time, hope you are too!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  De Witt.

  De Witt who?

  De Witt now!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Dozen.

  Dozen who?

  Dozen anyone know?

  What ’s So Funny

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Antilles.

  Antilles who?

  Antilles comes home,

  we just have to wait!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Alfred.

  Alfred who?

  Alfred of monsters? Not me!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Pierre.

  Pierre who?

  Pierre through the telescope!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Little old lady.

  Little old lady who?

  I didn’t know you could yodel!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Albert.

  Albert who?

  Al-bert you don’t know who this is!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Honda.

  Honda who?

  Honda road again!

  Try This

  Money Making

  It’s easy to make coin rubbings. All you need is a bunch of coins, a blank piece of white paper, and a pencil. Place a coin under the paper. Then, tilt the pencil and rub the side of the lead back and forth along the front of the coin. The imprint of the coin will appear on the paper. You can then cut out the imprints and use them as play money.

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Oliver.

  Oliver who?

  Oliver ’nother

  cookie please!

  Alli-OOPS!

  Start at number 1 and connect the dots in order to find the answer to this joke. But be careful—you may not want to answer the door when you see who is knocking!

  Knock,

  knock.

  Who’s there?

  Alli.

  Alli who?

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Gipper.

  Gipper who?

  Gipper a hand!

  Words to Know

  hilarous:

  Something that makes you laugh so hard you can’t control yourself. You just keep laughing and laughing. Anything or anyone can be hilarious!

  How Polite!

  Swim through the tank, collecting letters from START to END. They will spell the answer to this joke:

  Knock, knock. Who’s there? Tank. Tank who?

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Wendy.

  Wendy who?

  Wendy today, sunny tomorrow!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Pencil.

  Pencil who?

  Pencil fall down if you

  don’t buckle your belt!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Boleyn.

  Boleyn who?

  Boleyn alley!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Goat.

  Goat who?

  Goat to the door and answer it!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Sadie.

  Sadie who?

  Sadie same thing over and over!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Germany.

  Germany who?

  Germany people are coming over?

  What am I?

  I cannot be seen, and I cannot be felt. No one can hear me and I have no smell. I lie around stars, I fill empty holes, and I hide under hills.

  What am I?

  Knock knock!

  Waiter.

  Waiter who?

  Waiter minute!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  I-8.

  I-8 who?

  I-8 lunch at noon.

  When’s dinner?

  What ’s So Funny

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Max.

  Max who?

  Max-imum penalty

  for the crime!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Haydn.

  Haydn who?

  Haydn-go-seek is fun!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Nan.

  Nan who?

  Nan that I know!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Omar.

  Omar who?

  Omar goodness gracious!

  Fun fact

  No Rhyme or Reason

  Everybody loves a good rhyming song. Though it’s easy to rhyme almost every word in the English language, there are exceptions. You’d be hard-pressed to find a word in the English language that rhymes with “orange,” “silver,” or “purple.” (“Burple” doesn’t count!)

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Sarah.

  Sarah who?

  ’Sarah ’nother joke we can tell?

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Buster.

  Buster who?

  Bus-ter the park comes every hour!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Thoreau.

  Thoreau who?

  Thoreau the ball!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Hawaii.

  Hawaii who?

  I’m fine, Hawaii you?

  It’s Me!

  Fill in the answers to the clues, one letter in each numbered space. Then transfer the letters to the boxes that have the same numbers. When all the boxes are filled in correctly, you will have the answer to this joke:

  Knock, knock.

  Who’s there?

  Shirley.

  Shirley who?

  What am I?

  As I grow up I grow down. I travel in groups but stay close to my family. I love to swim, but when the weather turns cold, I fly away.

  What am I?

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Ozzie.

  Ozzie who?

  Oz-zie you later!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Ireland.

  Ireland who?

  Ire-land you some money for lunch!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Thistle.

  Thistle who?

  Thistle be the last time I tell you!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Bertha.

  Bertha who?

  My Bertha-day’s just around

  the corner!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Gwen.

  Gwen who?

  Gwen will I see you again?

  Knock knock!

  Who�
�s there?

  Tank.

  Tank who?

  Tank goodness you answered the door!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Fish.

  Fish who?

  Fish-us temper

  will get you

  nowhere!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Anita.

  Anita who?

  Anita place to take a nap!

  Try This

  Soap Suds Fun

  Standing over the bathroom sink, rub a little bit of liquid soap between your hands. Wet your hands with just a drop of water. Then, keeping the tips of your fingers and palms together, slowly open the middle of your hands to form a tunnel. Gently blow through the tunnel in your hands, and huge bubbles should appear like magic.

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Soup.

  Soup who?

  Soup-erman has special powers!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Blue.

  Blue who?

  Blue your nose!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Handel.

  Handel who?

  Handel with care!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Abby.

  Abby who?

  Abby days are here again!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Fido.

  Fido who?

  Fido I have to do everything?

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Distress.

  Distress who?

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Carmen.

  Carmen who?

  Carmen get it!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Meow.

  Meow who?

  Take meow to the ball game!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Grimm.

  Grimm who?

  Grimm and bear it!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Xavier.

  Xavier who?

  Xavier breath!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Taipei.

  Taipei who?

  Tai-pei letter and mail it!

  What ’s So Funny

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Washer.

  Washer who?

  Washer don’t know

  won’t hurt you!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Jimmy.

  Jimmy who?

  Jimmy your money, this is a stickup!

  Chapter 4

  Knock-Knock Your Socks Off

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Reuben.

  Reuben who?

  Reuben my eyes, I’m sleepy!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Sausage.

  Sausage who?

  Sausage nice things in the shop!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Rosina.

  Rosina who?

  Rosina garden is lovely!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Kipper.

  Kipper who?

  Kipper your eyes open for the signs!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Pudding.

  Pudding who?

  Pudding your shoes on before your pants

  is a silly idea!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Weed.

  Weed who?

  Weed better mow the lawn!

  What am I?

  I’ve got two really big front teeth that help me cut right through shrubs and even trees. I am known for building dams. These dams help slow down water and make deep pools where I love to splash around.

  What am I?

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Nose.

  Nose who?

  Nose a lot of people!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Fletcher.

  Fletcher who?

  Fletcher feet do the walking!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Rufus.

  Rufus who?

  Rufus on fire!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Stan.

  Stan who?

  Stan back, I’m coming through!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  F-2.

  F-2 who?

  F-2 go to the bathroom!

  Try This

  Magnet Magic

  Did you know that a powerful magnet can work through paper, cardboard, and even water? Impress your friends with this trick. Put a paper clip in a glass that’s mostly filled with water. Tell your friends you can get the paper clip out of the water without getting wet. Then slide the magnet along the glass until it connects with the paper clip. Move the magnet and the paper clip up the glass and above the surface of the water, until you can reach in and grab the paper clip without getting your fingers wet.

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Passion.

  Passion who?

  Just passion through!

  Which Window

  Laura is visiting a friend who lives in an old apartment building. Use the clues to find out who will answer the door when Laura knock knocks!

  • Laura’s friend is not using the computer.

  • The kid to the left of Laura’s friend has a pet.

  • Laura’s friend does not know how to knit.

  • Laura’s friend has a window with curtains.

  EXTRA FUN: Read the letters in the windows from bottom to top, and right to left. You will find the answer to this joke:

  Knock, knock.

  Who’s there?

  Juan.

  Juan who?

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Warrior.

  Warrior who?

  Warrior been?

  Fun fact

  Sneaky Creatures

  There are 84 different types of chameleons on the planet. They have special cells in their skin that allow them to blend in with their surroundings. This way, it is hard for enemies to find them. But watch out—if a chameleon gets angry, it can turn bright red.

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Square.

  Square who?

  Square are we going?

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Diane.

  Diane who?

  Diane to get in the door!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Sincerely.

  Sincerely who?

  Sincerely, we still have time for

  breakfast!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Yoda.

  Yoda who?

  Yoda greatest, baby!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Oakham.

  Oakham who?

  Oakham all ye faithful!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Goshen.

  Goshen who?

  Goshen’s great for swimming!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Eight ball.

  Eight ball who?

  Eight ball the food!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Sultan.

  Sultan who?

  Sultan pepper shakers!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Kismet.

  Kismet before anyone sees us!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Cockadoodle.

  Co
ckadoodle who?

  Cockadoodle doo, not cockadoodle who!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Rick.

  Rick who?

  Rick-ety bridge fell down!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Mica.

  Mica who?

  Mi-ca is in the shop!

  Words to Know

  comic relief:

  A funny moment in a play or show that breaks up a very serious scene. Comic relief comes just in the nick of time when everything seems to be very tense and just too serious.

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Atch.

  Atch who?

  Bless you!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Letter.

  Letter who?

  Letter ask us all she wants!

  What ’s So Funny

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Bjorn.

  Bjorn who?

  Bjorn to run!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Maude.

  Maude who?

  Maude in the U.S.A.!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Quebec.

  Quebec who?

  Quebec to the beginning!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Comet.

  Comet who?

  Com-et a crime and you’ll

  go to jail!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Amish.

  Amish who?

  Amish you, do you miss me?

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Insect.

  Insect who?

  Insect your name here!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Ooze.

  Ooze who?

  Ooze in charge around here?

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Fajita.

  Fajita who?

  ’Fajita ’nother thing, I’ll be sick!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Wilma.

  Wilma who?

  Wilma headache ever go away?

  What am I?

  Hiya there mate! I carry my young in a pouch and I call him Joey. I hop around Australia and I’m cute as can be.

  What am I?