Jumbo Jokes and Riddles Book Read online

  Hours of gut-busting fun!

  Beth L. Blair

  Copyright ©2007, F+W Publications, Inc.

  All rights reserved. This book, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced in any form without permission from the publisher; exceptions are made for brief excerpts used in published reviews.

  Contains portions of material adapted and abridged from The Everything® Kids’ Knock Knock Book by Aileen Weintraub, © 2004, F+W Publications, Inc.; The Everything® Kids’ Riddles & Brain Teasers Book by Kathi Wagner and Aubrey Wagner, © 2004, F+W Publications, Inc.; The Everything® Kids’ Gross Jokes Book by Aileen Weintraub, © 2005, F+W Publications, Inc.

  Published by

  Adams Media, an F+W Publications Company

  57 Littlefield Street, Avon, MA 02322. U.S.A.

  www.adamsmedia.com

  ISBN 10: 1-59869-049-3

  ISBN 13: 978-1-59869-049-1

  eISBN 978-1-44051-740-2

  Printed in the United States of America.

  J I H G F E D C B A

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  available from publisher

  This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information with regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering legal, accounting, or other professional advice. If legal advice or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional person should be sought.

  —From a Declaration of Principles jointly adopted by a Committee of the American Bar Association and a Committee of Publishers and Associations

  Many of the designations used by manufacturers and sellers to distinguish their product are claimed as trademarks. Where those designations appear in this book and Adams Media was aware of a trademark claim, the designations have been printed with initial capital letters.

  Interior Illustrations by Kurt Dolber

  This book is available at quantity discounts for bulk purchases.

  For information, please call 1-800-289-0963.

  Contents

  Introduction

  Introduction to Knock-Knock Jokes

  Chapter 1: Once Upon a Knock-Knock

  Chapter 2: When Fun Comes a Knockin’?

  Chapter 3: Tied Up in Knock-Knocks

  Chapter 4: Knock-Knock Your Socks Off

  Chapter 5: Who’s That Knockin’

  Chapter 6: One Two Three O’Clock Knock!

  Chapter 7: Knock ’Em Dead with Knock-Knocks

  Chapter 8: Knock-Knock Yourself Silly

  Chapter 9: A Knock Here, a Knock There

  Chapter 10: Knock Me Down, More Knock-Knocks

  Introduction to Riddles

  Chapter 11: Time for School

  Chapter 12: It’s a Zoo

  Chapter 13: Travel the World

  Chapter 14: Food and Drink

  Chapter 15: Acting Silly

  Chapter 16: Crossing Over

  Chapter 17: Perfectly at Home

  Chapter 18: Let’s Play Sports

  Chapter 19: All in the Family

  Chapter 20: Back in Time

  Chapter 21: A Hodgepodge of Fun

  Introduction to Gross Jokes

  Chapter 22: Creepy Critters

  Chapter 23: Barf-days and other Celebrations

  Chapter 24: Cannibals, Vampires, and other Freaky Folks

  Chapter 25: Atrocious Animals

  Chapter 26: Horrible Humans

  Chapter 27: Beyond the Grave: Ghosts, Ghouls, and Zombies

  Chapter 28: Stinky Stuff

  Chapter 29: The Gross-ery Store

  Chapter 30: Gooey Games and Sickening Sports

  Chapter 31: Tales of the Gross and Famous

  Puzzle Answers

  Introduction

  Always looking for a new knock knock joke to tell? Want to tease your mind—and your friends’ minds—with new riddles you’ve never heard before? Do you love the look on your mother’s face when you tell a gross-me-out joke? Look no further, because the Jumbo Jokes and Riddles Book is here for you!

  You’ll never know who’s there in our Knock-Knock section. With chapters like Knock-Knock Your Socks Off, One Two Three O’Clock Knock!, and Knock-Knock Yourself Silly, you’ll love reading these laugh-out-loud knock knock jokes, and then sharing them with your family and friends!

  The Riddle section of our book will make you the funniest— and smartest—kid in school. Packed with brain teasers that are sure to make you scratch your head, you’ll flex your mind with chapters like Travel the World, Food and Drink, and Acting Silly.

  Our Gross Jokes section is not for the faint of heart—or stomach! These side-splitting jokes in chapters like Creepy Critters and Stinky Stuff will make your skin crawl.

  So get ready to laugh out loud and test your mind with the Jumbo Jokes and Riddles Book!

  Introduction to

  Knock-Knock Jokes

  Can you think of anything more inviting than a good knock-knock joke? Who can resist answering “who’s there?” after hearing someone say “knock knock”? You’d be hard-pressed to find someone who doesn’t love these jokes.

  Knock-knocks are popular in every country where people speak English, including the United States, Canada, Great Britain, and Australia. That’s because each knock-knock joke is a pun, or a play on words, and puns are more popular in English than they are in other languages.

  So, what’s the purpose of a knock-knock joke anyway? Well, that’s easy! To make you laugh, of course! A good laugh can have many truly wonderful results. Laughter is a universal language that all humans share no matter where they live or how old they are. Laughter can connect people of all ages around the world. Did you know that babies start laughing when they’re only two months old? That’s so much earlier than speaking or even crawling. Babies know funny when they see or hear it. And so do the rest of us.

  Another fabulous result of a good laugh is that it really is the best medicine. Laughter is a great cure when you’re down in the dumps and just can’t shake the blues. Even the experts agree: Laughter helps to keep us healthy and happy. Science shows us that laughter increases the amount of oxygen running through our blood, makes us relax, and helps us feel less nervous during stressful times. This is no secret. People have known this for centuries. Some people even make a living just getting others to laugh!

  Back in the very old days, court jesters appeared before the king and queen just to amuse them. Today, comedians, clowns, actors, and actresses all work hard to come up with funny material to get a good laugh from their audiences. Sometimes people will go out of their way to find something that will make them laugh. They watch movies, go to the theater, and turn on the television set, all in the hopes of kicking back and seeing how funny life can be!

  Laughter makes people happy, and we all know that everybody likes to be around happy people. So crack open this book and start chuckling, giggling, guffawing, or even rolling-on-the-floor belly laughing. Gather some friends and start your own hysterical society. This is a group that gets together to tell each other jokes, riddles, and rhymes, act silly, and just plain make each other laugh. Don’t worry if no one’s laughing right away. Laughter is contagious. Just start tee-heeing, ho-ho-ing, and ha-ha-ing, and everyone else will soon follow.

  Knock knock! Who’s there?

  Hank.

  Hank who?

  Hank you!

  Knock! knock!

  Who’s there? Knock

  Hal.

  Hal who?

  Hal me tight!

  Chapter 1

  Once Upon a Knock-Knock!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Erma.
/>   Erma who?

  Erma going tell you lots of knock-knock

  jokes!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Heifer.

  Heifer who?

  Heifer dollar is better than none!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Lettuce.

  Lettuce who?

  Lettuce in and I’ll tell you!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Scold.

  Scold who?

  ’Scold out!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Doug.

  Doug who?

  Doug-out is where the baseball

  players sit!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Abe Lincoln.

  Abe Lincoln who?

  A-be Lincoln light on a Christmas tree!

  What am I?

  I have a very big mouth, but I never say a word. I have a bank, but I don’t keep any money in it. I have a bed, but I never get tired. I wave at everybody, but I have no hands.

  What am I?

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Barbie.

  Barbie who?

  Barbie Q chicken!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Gumby.

  Gumby who?

  Gumby our guest for dinner!

  Fun fact

  Don’t Sweat It

  Did you know that there are more chickens than people in the world? That’s because chickens can lay about 320 eggs each year. Also, did you know that chickens never sweat? They have to spread their wings and pant in order to keep cool.

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Jude.

  Jude who?

  Jude the food, then swallowed it!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Icy.

  Icy who?

  Icy a big monster under the bed!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Window.

  Window who?

  Window we get to play something else?

  Try This

  Crawly Caterpillars

  Make caterpillars out of old toilet paper rolls! Wrap the toilet paper roll in colorful construction paper (you can use tape or glue to make sure it sticks). Color squiggly designs on it. Cut up a wwpipe cleaner into six one-inch pieces. Glue or stick the pieces through the bottom of the caterpillar for legs. Now cut another pipe cleaner in half and bend the halves in the shape of antennae. Glue the antennae to the top of the caterpillar’s head. Find a pompon and glue it on for a nose. Draw on some eyes. For extra big caterpillars, use old paper towel rolls instead!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Agatha.

  Agatha who?

  Agatha the chills when it’s cold!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Howell.

  Howell who?

  Howell do you know me?

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Genoa.

  Genoa who?

  Genoa good dentist?

  Words to Know

  Comedian:

  A man or a woman who makes a living by being funny. It is a comedian’s job to tell jokes and get people giggling.

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Xavier.

  Xavier who?

  Xavier money in the bank!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Ham.

  Ham who?

  Ham I going to see you again?

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Thelonius.

  Thelonius who?

  Thelonius night of the week!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Cargo.

  Cargo who?

  Car-go vroom vroom!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Watson.

  Watson who?

  Watson television?

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Lionel.

  Lionel who?

  Lionel eat you if he’s hungry!

  What ’s So Funny

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Leaf.

  Leaf who?

  Leaf me alone!

  Noah

  Knock, knock.

  Who’s there?

  Noah.

  Noah who?

  Use the decoder to find the answer!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Teresa.

  Teresa who?

  Teresa fly in my soup!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Giza.

  Giza who?

  Giza nice man!

  What ’s So Funny

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Court.

  Court who?

  Court of milk!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Dishwasher.

  Dishwasher who?

  Dishwasher the way I always shpoke!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Stopwatch.

  Stopwatch who?

  Stopwatch you’re doing!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Founder.

  Founder who?

  Founder book in

  the library!

  Fun fact

  English All Over

  There are many countries that have English-speaking people. In many countries where English is not the first language, English is taught in schools. Did you know that there are more English-speaking people in China than there are in the United States?

  Knocked to Pieces

  A knock-knock and its answer were put into the large grid, and then cut into eight pieces. See if you can figure out where each piece goes, and write the letters in their proper places. When you have filled in the grid correctly, you will be able to read the joke from left to right, and top to bottom.

  HINT: The black boxes stand for the spaces between words. Careful—some pieces are turned or flipped!

  Say What?

  To find the end to this knock-knock, cross out all letters that follow these rules:

  • sound like the name of a vegetable

  • come after “L” in the alphabet

  • are tenth in the alphabet

  When you are finished, read the remaining letters from left to right, and top to bottom.

  I Can’t Hear You

  These two whispering girls may look the same, but see if you can find the ten differences between them.

  HINT: It doesn’t count that they are facing in different directions.

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Dewey.

  Dewey who?

  Dewey have to stay much longer?

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Samuel.

  Samuel who?

  Samuel like and Samuel won’t!

  Words to Know

  Witty:

  Something that is clever or amusing. A witty statement will impress people or give them a good chuckle.

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Yoga.

  Yoga who?

  Yo-ga what it takes to be the best!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Camel.

  Camel who?

  Camel get it, dinner’s ready!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Milton.

  Milton who?

  Milton snow turns to water!

  Try This

  Masked and Whiskered

  Make a cat mask! Cut a paper plate in half, and use one half for your mask, so that the curved edge of the pla
te is at the top of the mask. Cut out two triangles for your eyes and a triangle for your nose. Glue three pipe cleaners on each side of the nose for whiskers. Cut ears out of construction paper and glue them on top. Then punch a hole through the sides of the mask and thread some yarn around it so you can tie it to your head. And don’t forget to add decorations!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Freeze.

  Freeze who?

  Freeze a jolly good fella!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Tex.

  Tex who?

  Tex two to tango!

  Try This

  Home Sweet Home

  What could be sweeter than a house made of candy? Gather some soft candy such as gumdrops, marshmallows, and gummy shapes. Get a box of toothpicks and start building! Think of the candies as corners and toothpicks as edges, and build by sticking toothpicks through the candies to connect them. You can start with a triangle or square and keep building up. Just don’t eat the whole house all at once!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Aardvark.

  Aardvark who?

  Aardvark a million miles for you!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Fletcher.

  Fletcher who?

  Fletcher in or she’ll break down

  the door!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Vic.

  Vic who?

  Vic some flowers for me!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Izzie.

  Izzie who?

  Izzie going to tell any more jokes?

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Sherwood.

  Sherwood who?

  Sherwood like some more pie!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Bertha.

  Bertha who?

  Bertha-day party!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?

  Bacon.

  Bacon who?

  Bacon a cake for the party!

  Knock knock!

  Who’s there?