Jumbo Jokes and Riddles Book Read online

Why did the second skeleton cross it?

  No brains!

  And why didn’t the third skeleton cross it?

  He just didn’t have the heart to!

  Why wouldn’t the rooster cross the road?

  He was too much of a chicken.

  Where does an X always sit?

  In the cross section.

  Why did the bee cross the road?

  He wanted to see his “honey.”

  In science class, Amanda learned that when you put salt on a slug, something very horrible happens. Do you know what?

  When Lila told her mother she would come straight home after school, her mother knew it wasn’t true. How?

  “I spin, yet I am never dizzy. I have clouds, but have no rain. As I cross the land, you cannot see how deadly I am.”

  Fun fact

  A Riddle of a Name

  “Rumpelstiltskin” is a well-known fairy tale, maybe because it was part of the famed Brothers Grimm collection of fairy tales. In the tale, Rumpelstiltskin tells the Queen that she has to guess his name, or he will take her firstborn child. Do you remember how the Queen solved this riddle?

  Hinky Pinkies

  The answer to each Hinky Pinky riddle is two rhyming words of two syllables each. Write the answers into the numbered grid.

  EXTRA FUN: When you’re finished, read down the shaded column to find the answer to one more Hinky Pinky:

  What do you get when you cross a monster with someone who works at your school?

  What do you get when you cross…

  1. …a sticky candy with a hot breakfast drink?

  2. …a comic book action hero with a detective?

  3. …a lawyer with a large bird of prey?

  4. …a South American pack animal with a serious play?

  5. …a baby cat with a winter handwarmer?

  6. …a comedian with a rabbit?

  7. …a werewolf with Tinkerbell?

  8. …a molecule with a violin?

  9. …a tired person with a pointy tent?

  10. …a king with a small hunting dog?

  11. …a mad scientist with a white and yellow flower?

  12. …a large tropical bird with an orange vegetable?

  13. …a hot pepper with a boy named William?

  14. …a field of daisies with a generator? 15. …a reptile with a magical man?

  Which pair of the following words, crossed exactly in the middle like a crossword, will join at the same letter? Party, money, stand, brunt, flash, salad.

  Crossing what two things creates a lot of foam and so may be used to simulate a volcano?

  Who am I?

  I had a theory or idea that man may have started out as a chimpanzee or ape and then slowly changed or evolved into what he is today.

  Who am I?

  Mr. Wilson pulls up to a pedestrian crossing, but no one is there. Can he go on? The answer is no! Why? Hint: Is there something else that is stopping him?

  Fun fact

  Crazy Talk

  Did you know that between your left brain and your right brain you have a corpus callosum that allows the two sides of your brain to “talk”? The corpus callosum lets you hear something on one side of your brain and then picture it with the other side.

  Why did the Martians keep bringing more men?

  They needed “Xtra terrestrials.”

  Why did the bank teller cross the road?

  He didn’t have any cents.

  Why did the rhino swim to the other side of the river?

  He wanted to get his “point” across.

  Why did the squirrel cross the busy road?

  I guess we’ll never know!

  What did the Troll warn the Three Billy Goats Gruff?

  Don’t cross me!

  Why did the electrician light up?

  His wires were crossed.

  What do you get when you cross an ape with a magician?

  Hairy Houdini (Harry Houdini).

  How did George Washington and Huck Finn cross the river?

  George chopped down the cherry tree and Huck made a raft out of it.

  Why did the owl cross the road?

  Whooooo cares?

  Why did the book cross the road?

  It was looking for cover.

  How did the pharmacist get all of his medicine across the road?

  He “drug” it.

  Why did the nail cross the road?

  He was bent on it.

  Try This

  Tell a Story in Pictures

  You can make a rebus of your own by writing a short story or retelling a familiar one using pictures that you draw in the place of some of the words. An example could be the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. You could substitute a picture of a bear each time the word “bear” appears.

  What is a cross between star and led?

  Words to Know

  rebus:

  A kind of puzzle in which a picture represents a word or part of a word. Sometimes a rebus will be used in a storybook to introduce new words, or in a game to challenge the guesser to solve the picture puzzle.

  How did Peter get across the Nottafoot River without a boat?

  When Xavier would turn in his homework, his teacher knew which paper was his, even though he always forgot to sign his name. How did she know?

  What do angry quilters make?

  Cross stitches.

  Why did the rope cross the road?

  Why “knot”?

  Why didn’t the crossword get the answer?

  He was too puzzled!

  What can you find at the intersections in church?

  Look for “cross” walks.

  Why did the letters cross the road?

  It was EZ.

  How do roads talk?

  They use “sign” language.

  Who am I?

  I grew up in Pennsylvania telling funny stories and making people laugh. My big break came when I told a few jokes on TV. I am a very well-known comedian and had a family TV show named after me.

  Who am I?

  When the water ran across the floor of the pool house, no one panicked. Why?

  Words to Know

  comedy:

  A type of amusement that relies on humor to entertain people. Funny stories and actions are often used in a comedy routine.

  When the plane crossed the sky at a weird angle, the control tower knew there was trouble and called for help. The plane’s radio was out and the pilot was too far away to signal. How did the tower learn of the problem?

  Otto was really confused when he received a letter from his eye doctor that read: “Tsn’t tt about ttme you came tn for a vtstt?” What was wrong?

  Chapter 17

  Perfectly at Home

  Katherine’s room is too far away from the bathroom to hear whether someone is using the shower. And yet, Katherine knew that her mom had taken a shower this morning. What tipped her off?

  What do the words “end,” “multiplication,” “kitchen,” and “coffee” have in common? Hint: They are all adjectives for one noun.

  Who am I?

  You may have laughed at the troubles of poor old Charlie Brown, a cartoon character I created. I drew and wrote about Charlie and all the rest of the “Peanuts” gang to make others laugh. Who am I?

  Who am I?

  Daniel filled a bathtub up to 1 inch from the top. No more water was put in it, but it still overflowed. How can that be?

  Words to Know

  Teasing:

  Teasing is bothering, annoying, or taunting others by making fun of them. Some teasing is just for fun—nothing to get offended about—but sometimes teasing becomes mean and should be stopped.

  Why did the poltergeist try to scare the gambler out of his house?

  I don’t know, but he didn’t have a ghost of a chance.

  What do builders write on?

  Construction paper.

  Why did the actor get fired?

  Because he brought the house down. />
  What did the old block name his son?

  Chip.

  Why did the plug-in have to stay home?

  She was grounded.

  Why did the cow and the moon have to eat out all the time?

  Because their dishes ran away with their spoons!

  Why did the hammer get into trouble?

  Because he hit the nail on the head!

  Where do roses sleep?

  In a flower bed.

  How did the window know which bugs were good?

  She screened them.

  How many sides does a house have?

  Two—an “in” side and an “out” side.

  What kind of dance did the porch learn?

  The two-step.

  Why did the bee have to stay home?

  It had hives.

  Try This

  Tommy’s Tennis Tongue Twister

  Try this tongue twister: Tommy tied 20 tiny tennis shoes. After you say that 5 times fast, how about making up a few of your own to try on your family and friends? Here’s a hint to making new tongue twister—pick a consonant (in the case of this tongue twister, it’s “t”) and then try to come up with a bunch of words with that consonant.

  Fun fact

  Twist and Shout

  Tongue twisters have been entertaining people—tying up their tongues— for years. Many tongue twisters have made their way into children’s books and collections. A good tongue twister is almost impossible to say quickly.

  What’s So Funny?

  One day, while Goldilocks was on her way to the Three Bears’ house, she got distracted. Eventually, she remembered where she was going and arrived at the cottage in the woods, just as the bears were leaving for their walk. As Goldie opened the door, she gasped!

  What’s so funny?

  “The longer it goes, the shorter it grows.” What is it?

  Bob and Bill decided to build a tree house. They’ve got a tree with a trunk that’s 15 feet tall, so they decidedto build stairs that go up the tree. Unfortunately, all they have are 6 boards. How far apart do Bob and Bill need to nail the 6 boards so that the stairs are evenly spread out?

  Half a House?

  Seems like the builder only finished half of this very fancy house. Can you complete the job? Draw the other half of the house, copying the first half square by square.

  Next, figure out what letter goes in each box, below. When you are finished, you will get the answer to this riddle:

  Try This

  Dream, Dream, Dream

  You can try to figure out what you or someone else’s dreams might mean. If you look in a dream encyclopedia or dream interpretation book, you will see what some people believe are the meanings or clues behind the things you may dream about—for example, falling can symbolize a loss. Of course, in order to interpret your dreams, you first have to try to remember them when you wake up.

  Bathtub, toilet, shower—what’s missing from this group?

  As Barry’s mom walked through the house she saw a bag of candy in the entryway and a wrapper in the dining room. By the time she reached the kitchen, she knew Barry didn’t like the candy very much. How did she know?

  Why did it take the ant so long to get home?

  It was “uphill” all the way.

  What do pans like to eat?

  Pot pies.

  Why didn’t the china hutch like to be teased?

  He could “dish” it out, but he couldn’t take it.

  What state covers more ground than any other?

  Floor-ida!

  Why did General Custer sit in his chair all the time?

  Because he had made his last stand.

  Why did the chicken run out of the house screaming?

  It couldn’t take being “coop-ed” up in the house!

  What did the windows do when they saw the storm coming?

  They shuttered!

  What did all the king’s horses and all the king’s men say when Humpty Dumpty fell off the wall?

  He was a good egg!

  What do 24 hours do at night?

  Call it a day.

  Why couldn’t the chair be fixed?

  It would cost an arm and a leg.

  How did the tools get the truth out of the wood?

  They drilled it.

  Why didn’t the window have any money?

  It was broke.

  Marissa is writing a school report on her computer at home. The other night, a virus invaded her computer and her report got all jumbled. Can you tell what this sentence was and what the report was about? Here is the sentence: Sometimesth eyli keto eatho lesincl othing,es peciallyth ingsma deofwo ol.

  Mr. Axeman the carpenter asked his assistant Woody if he knew the three things that make a pen different from a pencil. Do you know?

  Who am I?

  I wear a striped shirt and big glasses, and I’m a part of many puzzle books. You can try to find me in pictures, where I may be skiing on a mountain full of people or hiding out in a gigantic shopping mall.

  Who am I?

  Which Window?

  Roberto lives in a big, old house that has been turned into a bunch of apartments. Use the clues below to figure out which window is his.

  • The window to the right of Roberto’s has a plant on the windowsill.

  • The window above Roberto’s has no shade.

  • Roberto’s window has curtains that his mom made for him.

  • Roberto’s window does not have a shutter.

  EXTRA FUN: Read the letters in the windows from bottom to top, and right to left, and you will find the answer to this riddle:

  Which side of a house gets the most rain?

  Fun House

  Can you find 24 funny things in this living room? When you’re finished, see if you can figure out what’s so funny about the answer to this riddle:

  Fun fact

  Ego mania

  Did you know you have an “ego”? Your ego is your “self.” Many believe it is the main force behind your personality— it’s who you really are.

  How do you make a house using only 6 nails?

  When Breanna went to Brittney’s house, she had planned to be there for breakfast and lunch. To make things simpler they had brunch. What did they end up missing?

  When an ice sculptor left his house on Wednesday, he had 4 beautiful swans in the freezer. Yet when he returned on Sunday, they were gone! No one broke in and there is a logical answer. What could have happened?

  How does Rover stay out of the doghouse?

  He buries the evidence.

  What do bathrooms in outer space have?

  Meteor showers.

  Why did the porch tell the steps to knock it off?

  They kept “stair-ing”!

  What do homes wear when it gets cold out?

  House coats.

  What does every floor of the house have to have before bed?

  Bedtime stories.

  What do you call a hat that follows you everywhere you go?

  A stalking cap!

  Why didn’t the outside of the house understand what was so funny?

  It was an “inside” joke.

  What did the swingset say to the sandbox when the teeter-totter arrived?

  Wow! Did you SEE what I SAW?

  How can you tell when a toilet’s not well?

  It’s flushed.

  What’s an envelope’s favorite part of the house?

  The “seal-ing.”

  Why did the colander have to go to the doctor?

  It was a little strained!

  Why couldn’t the ball player ever go home?

  He was out in “left” field.

  Who am I?

  I invented a test that used 10 different inkblots. These images helped psychologists try to understand how a patient thinks by what the person felt he or she was seeing in the blots.

  Who am I?

  Mrs. Smith lives in a 20-story apartment building. She lives on the 15th floor, and yet she
never passes by the 13th floor.

  What’s the explanation?

  Jasmine’s dining room table has enough room for only 6 people, yet every night 8 eat there. How can that be?

  Words to Know

  dream:

  A group of thoughts, images, and feelings that you experience during the REM (rapid eye movement) portion of your sleep. Another type of dreaming is daydreaming—imagining something while you are awake.

  One night 2 burglars broke into the Jone-ses’ house. As soon as they were inside, they heard a voice. The burglars got scared and left. No one was home, so whom did they hear?

  Every time Clarence went into the house, something went wrong, very wrong. Clarence would gain weight only to instantly lose it again. Once he even swore he was shrinking. But the next day he felt taller than ever. Why?

  Liza lives in a grey house, while Lisa lives in a house that’s gray. What’s the difference?

  How did the tools get from the house to the tool store?

  The compass gave directions, while the screwdriver drove.

  When the princess arrived at the castle and found the new labyrinth, how did she feel?