Jumbo Jokes and Riddles Book Read online

  What did the teddy bear say after eating a really big meal?

  When Ozzy and his friend Owen went to tour their local greenhouse, the florist had a mystery for them to solve. “When is a flower not a flower?” the florist asked. Do you know the answer?

  What is a liquid outside your fridge and a solid inside your fridge?

  Try This

  Now I see It, Now You Don’t

  The way the brain sees things is not always the same from one person to the next. Some people don’t see color the same way as others. One way to check for color blindness is to find 4 socks, each one with a different shade of green. Can you tell the difference between the 4 colors? People who are colorblind cannot see the minor differences in the color.

  What do comic book characters like to eat?

  Superhero sandwiches.

  What did the other groceries say when the sausage brought the salami to the party?

  Well, he’s bratwurst (brought worse).

  Why were the windows “shuttering”?

  Because they heard the homeowners say it was “curtains” for them!

  What do you call a naughty glove?

  A bad mitten.

  When the builder had to climb onto the roof, did he pick the first thing he saw (the scaffolding) or the second thing?

  He chose the ladder (latter).

  What do cherubs serve at their parties?

  Angel food cake.

  Who’s going to make the salad?

  Let us (lettuce)!

  What bear can grow 10 times its own size overnight?

  A gummy bear in water.

  Why wouldn’t the apple join the other fruits in the salad?

  She didn’t find it as a-peeling.

  Did you hear that the ice cream parlor closed?

  Yeah, I heard that the sundaes wouldn’t work on weekdays, the ice cream bars went nuts, and the bananas split.

  When Ed’s mother called out, “Ed, supper is ready!” 4 people came. Who were they?

  It goes in fast, but comes out slow—and yet, the amount is the same. What can this be?

  Fun fact

  Silly Science

  The study of the shape of your head is called phrenology. For years people thought the way that your head was shaped determined your talents, gifts, or traits. Luckily, this notion was eventually disproved.

  Every day a strange man walked past several grapevines growing on a fence. One very hot day the owner asked the v strange man what he had done with his grapes. “I did not take your grapes,” replied the strange man, “I am innocent!” The strange man was telling the truth, yet the grapes were gone. Can you solve the mystery?

  Chapter 15

  Acting Silly

  Try This

  Front to Back— and Back Again

  Have you ever tried to write a palindrome? Palindromes are words or phrases that read the same both forward and backward. “Dad” is a good example. Another is “Madam, I’m Adam.” How many palindromes can you think of?

  One night as the children were walking past the Parch house, a thick fog set in. Cold and scared, the children moved on down the street. Then as quickly as it had appeared, the fog ended, and there was no other fog anywhere in sight. How can that be?

  How did Sonny know his son would be home soon?

  What do you get when you put .14 and 3 together? The answer is as easy as pie.

  What do kindergarten teachers eat for lunch?

  Alphabet soup.

  How do you make a riddle stop?

  You take away its “r” and “d” (idle).

  What did the PE teacher name his son?

  Gym (Jim).

  Why couldn’t the geometry teacher solve her own problems?

  She didn’t have the right angle.

  Why did all the letters have to stay after school?

  They were caught making “alpha bets.”

  What did the sleeping pines do?

  They knotted off.

  You never write on what paper?

  Toilet paper.

  What happens if you stand when you sleep?

  You dream “up” things.

  What is the difference between being a fool and being foolish?

  4 letters (a & ish).

  What is something only two brains can have?

  A brain baby.

  How many chickens does it take to make a pillow?

  None, chickens can’t sew!

  Where does little bear keep his things at school?

  In his cubby.

  What do you call just one nap?

  A sleep.

  Fun fact

  Double-Sided

  Did you know that your brain has two sides? The left side of the brain is in charge of things like art and picturing things in your head. The right side is in charge of things like speech, math, and language. Sometimes one side is stronger than the other. Which is your stronger side?

  If Sheldon sells shells by the shore, and Dora drums drums by the door, then who sits on sofas on Saturdays? Is it Julie, Laura, Sophie, or Erin?

  Tightrope, trapeze, water slide, and cannon— which one doesn’t belong in this group?

  Words to Know

  tongue twister:

  A word or phrase that is hard to repeat quickly due to the repetition of multiple consonants within the words.

  “Silly Sally sings songs as silly Sammy somersaults.” Can you say this 5 times fast? Can you make up your own tongue twister?

  Comic Contest

  These four people have entered into a comic contest. Count the number of not-quite-normal things you can see about each contestant’s costume and pet. For example, contestant number 1 is wearing a “baseball” cap. The winner has the most comic accessories! Make your lists in the spaces below.

  Try This

  Brains of Jello-O

  Do you know anyone who’s so silly, it’s like he’s got a brain full of Jell-O? Now you can make one yourself. Take a batch of cookie dough and press it down in a bowl, making two big dents (for brain lobes) in it. Cover your dough mold with plastic wrap, making sure it’s completely protected, and then pour prepared liquid Jell-O inside. Refrigerate your Jell-O brain for several hours. When the Jell-O hardens, you can move it from the cookie mold to a platter, and use the cookie dough to make brain cookies to go with the Jell-O.

  What’s the missing word in the last pair? Little lightning bugs, small snails, mini mice, ___ turtles.

  Ever since Dan got dressed this morning, he’s had the strangest feeling that he’s going the wrong way. Do you know why?

  For Daddy’s birthday, Victoria helped Mommy bake a birthday cake. When Mommy walked away for a moment, she told Victoria, “Don’t forget to put in the flour.” So she did. When Mommy came back, she couldn’t stop laughing. What did she find?

  Silly Sally can turn around 25 times in 2 minutes. If she wants to break the town record of 37 minutes of spinning, how many times will she need to spin?

  What has 10 fingers on each hand?

  A pair of gloves.

  Who is the only person the tooth fairy won’t visit at night?

  Count Dracula.

  What would the Count say if she did?

  “Fang you” very much.

  Why couldn’t the jester get his medicine bottle open?

  It was “fool” proof.

  What did Pinocchio say when he was asked if he was lying?

  Who nose?

  How much sleep did the insomniac get?

  Nod a wink.

  Who am I?

  Many still believe I had the greatest mind of all time. My theory of relativity was the beginning of many new inventions that we have today. Science was my favorite subject.

  Who am I?

  When Nate told his mother that he could turn an open bottle filled with water upside down and the water would not pour out, she said, “I’ll believe it when I see it.” And she did. What did Nate do in order to keep the water in the bottle?

  One d
ay Backward Betty decided to try a mud bath like the stars take. The nearest mud puddle she could find was in the neighbor’s driveway. As Betty began to bathe, something seemed strange. What was wrong?

  What is a woodpecker’s favorite dessert?

  “Tap-ioca” pudding.

  What object in space is never hungry?

  The full moon.

  What does Cyclops drink out of?

  Eye glasses.

  What type of fishing do the Three Billy Goats Gruff like to do?

  Trolling.

  What did the mother bolt say to her baby when she tucked him in bed?

  Sleep tight.

  What’s the difference between April 1st and April 2nd?

  One day.

  Fun fact

  Sizing Up Your Brain

  In the past, some experts wondered if the size of your brain decided how smart you could be. Now they know that it’s not really true. But here’s another fact—did you know that the size of your head compared with your body changes considerably as you grow? At birth, your head is . of your body size. By the time you’re an adult, your body catches up and your head is only 1/10 of your body.

  “Jack and Jill went down a hill to fetch a pail of dirt. Jill fell down and broke her foot, and Jack came tumbling after. What’s wrong with this story?

  When it was finally Mr. Smiley’s turn at the Laughs-R-on-Us booth, they told him he had better take his turn now, as they were about to run out. So what did Mr. Smiley get?

  Silly Sally

  Can you guess what Silly Sally likes? Take a look at the following clues:

  EXTRA FUN: The picture of Silly Sally shows several things that Sally likes. Can you figure out what they are, and why?

  Silly Slogans

  Write each numbered word in the correct box. Now, rearrange the words to finish the silly slogan for each business!

  Why was the King of Hearts so upset?

  Because his Ace was in the hole.

  What do you call it when 5 royal cards get together?

  A full house.

  When the scientist didn’t like Frankenstein’s attitude, what did he do about it?

  He “changed” his mind.

  Why was the garbage man so sad?

  He was down in the dumps.

  Why was the cowboy so tired?

  Because his giddy-up-and-go gotty-up-and-went!

  What do you get when you drop a 500-pound potato off the top of a skyscraper?

  500 pounds of s-mashed potatoes.

  What do you call a really cold puppy?

  A chili dog.

  Clarence the clown took off his big shoes, curly wig, baggy pants, polka-dotted tie, all of his makeup, suspenders, and his gloves. On the way to his trailer, a little girl stopped to say, “You’re a clown, aren’t you?” How did she know?

  Some days Jack felt really up, and some days Jack felt really down.

  Why?

  If Lilly licks a lollipop while watching 3 30-minute cartoons and she only licks halfway through her lolly, how long will it take to finish it?

  Who am I?

  I liked to make people laugh and I would use anything I could think of—songs, poems, stories, art, and cartoons. I wrote several fun and silly books for children, like Where the Sidewalk Ends. Who am I?

  Who am I?

  Words to Know

  memory:

  Ability to store information in your brain. Without your memory, you could never remember your brother’s birthday or where you put your favorite book.

  And did you know that memory is one of the things required for laughter?

  Every once in a while, the workers at the perfume factory smell a horrible, strong skunk smell. Why is this?

  What object can go up and come down all by itself?

  What two things combine to look like a miniature tornado?

  What type of print will you never find in a newspaper?

  A footprint.

  What can adult teeth have?

  Baby teeth.

  How do clouds make other clouds get out of their way?

  They use their foghorns.

  How can you tie something so you will always remember it?

  With a “forget-me knot.”

  What did one “Most Wanted” poster say to the other?

  I’ve been framed!

  What’s So Funny?

  Jordan has some very silly dreams. One night he dreamt that he was a clown and when he woke up his nose was a little red. The next time he dreamed he was a king, only to find when he woke up that his comforter was around him like a robe. But tonight’s dream had to be the silliest of all! Jordan dreamt he was sleepwalking! What’s so funny?

  What’s so funny?

  Chapter 16

  Crossing Over

  Funfact

  Use Your Head

  Everyone has a pons (meaning “bridge”). Your pons is a part of your brain that is in charge of many things, like sorting all of the information you take in to decide what is important enough to think about.

  Do you know how to get a riddle really upset?

  Take away its d’s and you’ll “rile” it.

  What do you get when you cross 40 robbers with a herd of sheep?

  Ali Baa Baa and 40 thieves.

  Why did the math teacher cross the road?

  Because he had “2.”

  Who wrote the book 1001 Crosswords?

  Chris Cross.

  What do you get if you cross a movie theater with a palm reader?

  Show-‘n’-tell.

  Why did the playground cross the road?

  To get to the other slide.

  When Geoffrey wrote a paper about crossing the English Channel for English class, he left out the crossing part.

  Because of this, no one could read his paper. Why?

  How can 6 toothpicks have only 6 points?

  Who am I?

  I was a powerful Egyptian queen, known for my beauty, intelligence, and power. Unfortunately, it all came to an end because of a Roman general.

  Who am I?

  When Maggie and Annette found 2 nails on the ground, one lying across the other, Maggie bet Annette she couldn’t get them apart without touching them. Maggie lost the bet. How did Annette manage to do the trick?

  If a train going 40 miles an hour reaches a railroad crossing in 40 minutes, how long will it take a train going 20 miles an hour to reach it?

  What’s So Funny?

  Sam was very superstitious. He never walked under ladders or went anywhere on Friday the 13th, and he always carried his lucky penny everywhere he went. All in all, his plan worked very well—until one day everything went wrong. “This just can’t be possible,” Sam thought. What’s so funny?

  What’s so funny?

  Cross Plumber

  Cross out the letters that appear more than three times in the letter grid. Collect the remaining letters from left to right and top to bottom, and write them in order on the blank lines. When you are finished, you will discover the answer to this riddle:

  Why Did the Lion . . .

  As you find your way through the maze from START to END, collect the letters. When you read them in order, you will discover the answer to this riddle:

  Why did the lion cross the grassland?

  Words to Know

  ESP:

  Extrasensory perception is the believed ability to have a type of sixth sense. Someone who claims to be able to read your mind or know your thoughts is said to have ESP.

  As Cami began crossing the railroad tracks, she realized a train would be there soon. She saw no train, heard no sound, but knew it just the same. How did she know?

  As Rhonda saw the “walk” sign light up, she started to cross the street. Instantly, several cars screeched to a halt inches from her. Why?

  What do you get when you cross a snowman with a pickup full of carrots?

  Frozen food in a delivery truck!

  What do you get when you cross an automobile with
music?

  Cartoons (car tunes).

  What time is it when you cross an alarm clock with a skunk?

  Time to go!

  Why did the cheater have 2 X’s on his head?

  He had been double-crossed.

  Why did the fish cross the road?

  Because he was already “caught” in the middle.

  Why did the fertilizer cross the road?

  Because the grass wasn’t greener on the other side!

  Try This

  Testing for ESP

  Do you or someone you know have ESP? One test for ESP that you can try on your friends is to make a few cards with circles, wavy lines, or dots on them. After you have shown them the cards, look at one of the cards and ask your friend to sense which one you are looking at. You can take turns testing each other to see who does best.

  Why wouldn’t the first skeleton cross the road?

  No guts!